A Tale of Two Mamas
Trying to keep someone IN timeout
Archive for Cancer
November 22, 2008 at 11:04 pm · Filed under Cancer
So much has happened over the past 24 hours.
Yesterday Margot’s brother arrived at around 5pm. We all packed into the minivan and went for our favorite - Indian food.
Afterwards we came home, washed the kids, put them to bed and the adults hung out and played Wii Rockband. We had an excellent time. By 10pm we were all exhausted and scattered to our respective sleep areas. I slept on the couch because Emmy was in the playpen and I didn’t want to leave her by herself, Dennis went to the spare bedroom, and Margot went upstairs to sleep with Graem in our bed.
At 1:30am I heard Dennis upstairs talking on the phone and when I got up they shared the news that their dad was found on the bathroom floor unresponsive.
Margot’s dad’s girlfriend called EMT and they said “it doesn’t look good” and that Manny was only having 6 respirations per minute. They asked for a DNR (Do no resisitate) order. Of course, noone knows if there is one.
After about an hour we call the hospital to get an update and basically find out that Margot’s dad has been intubated and is in critical condition. No other news is available.
So of course, we’re all just sitting in the bed upstairs surrounded by sleeping children and crying. Margot’s dad has had stage 4 colon cancer for around 2 years now. He’s had surgery to remove the cancer, survived it, and is now undergoing chemo after having it reoccur.
I’m saddest for Margot and Dennis because they’re in their early thirties and that just seems way too young to lose both of your parents. It makes me sad that Grammy and Emmy are so young. However, I’m glad that they at least were able to meet him.
It also makes me sad that after all of the tough years that Manny has gone through with drug addiction and depression and dealing with Margot’s mother — he finally was leading a somewhat healthy life and then was hit with cancer.
Margot and Dennis left this morning to head to New York City. We decided that it’d be best if I stayed home with the kids because they really don’t need to be in a hospital and because Margot and Dennis need to make some serious decisions and it’s going to be stressful enough without a crazy almost-4-year-old and a naughty baby.
When Margot and Den got to the hospital they found their father blue and he looked absolutely horrible. He was hooked up to machines and I don’t think they expected to see him look like that.
They have had various doctors come in and they all concur that the situation is grim. However, they are giving Manny antibiotics, blood transfusions, and keeping him intubated for the time being. At this point they’re buying time for family to make it from out of town.
In the same token, his body could completely fail and there’s not machine that could keep him alive. To some extent…that might be the best case scenario because not one person would have to make the decision to “pull the plug.”
I hope and pray that both Margot and Dennis find peace. I can’t imagine losing a parent and know it’s one of the hardest situations they will ever have to face. I’m sad that they’ve had to do it twice.
We’ve told Graem that Grandpa’s sick and she understands. We also explained to her that grandpa is dying and we think she understands that too. One thing that we’re going to try and be aware of is having conversations in front of her. For a few minutes today she had to confirm that it was Grandpa that was dying and not mommy.
Then she said with tears in her eyes “I miss grandpa and mommy.”
We miss grandpa too.
June 30, 2008 at 7:24 pm · Filed under Cancer
It seems like more and more people are getting cancer these days. Maybe it’s just the fact that we’re getting older or maybe it’s just the fact that environment, genetics, or the way we are treating our bodies are catching up to us.
I read the other day about mesothelioma and was shocked to see some of the studies in the news about cancer caused by asbestos. For years we knew asbestos was bad…but noone realized it was this harmful.
March 20, 2008 at 7:01 pm · Filed under Cancer
for the neglect that we have been giving our website and our loyal readers.
First off, let me start by saying - we’re all fine (including baby Emerson!).
Quite a bit has happened over the past week or so and I’ll try to catch up as much as possible.
Saturday afternoon: we got the call that Margot’s dad was not doing well and that his wound was becoming infected and that they might have to go in and perform surgery. There were also some major financial things that needed to be dealt with.
Sunday: we make the decision that Margot should go to NYC to see her dad and it is really unclear to his condition and if he will even pull through this. The infection has spread and we were told that his “gut was hanging out of his body.”
Monday: Margot gets on the nice C2C bus which has internet access and soda and somehow manages to get to NY in 3.5 hours. (We still haven’t figured out how this is done!) Margot sees her dad and realizes that he’s in bad shape. She also starts to plow through the financial mess.
Grammy and me actually go to J&L’s house to stay for the few days that Margot’s gone. It was nice having someone around to help with dinner and kid time. Plus, the last time Margot left I kept thinking we had predators in our house and hated being alone. So this situation worked out really good.
Tuesday: Margot stays at the hospital most of the day. Graem goes to daycare.
Wednesday: Margot comes back home at 11pm and we are all a happy family again. When she left it appears that her dad is recovering and the antibiotics are kicking in. Plus, she has sorted through the financial stuff and there’s now a gameplan for how to proceed.
It’s so nice that we’re all back home and can resume our nightly family hugs.
March 9, 2008 at 7:14 pm · Filed under Cancer, Life and Death
We just got back home, unpacked and half-bathed (I have yet to bathe). I’m glad to be back home, and away from the hospital insanity. My dad seems to be recovering well–he’s awake, his stats look good, and is on pain medication. The down side is that he’s starting to get depressed: he’s upset that the surgery didn’t go quite as he expected, the tumor was more aggressive than anyone had thought, and he now has an ileostomy and a colostomy. I think he’s also starting to realize that he will be fighting this the rest of his life, on some level or another.
It’s hard because I’m just relieved that he made it through surgery–both of them–and seems to be healing up well. I kept thinking the past two days that he seemed stronger, healthier and better off now than how he was when I drove down last week. There is also something reassuring about him being in the hospital–being cared by others than himself.
I have to admit I was a bit appalled by the hospital he is in–and am greatly appreciative of our local hospital. The hospital is pretty run down, not even up-to-date with HIPAA regulations and privacy screens, and worst of all: it had some of the filthiest bathrooms I have ever been in, including interstate rest stops! We made sure to wash our hands frequently, but half of the hand sanitizer dispensers were empty. I know we bitch and moan about our hospital, but even before the recent renovations, our hospital was so much cleaner and well-maintained. I just hope that my dad’s hospital makes up for their maintenance in quality of care. The nurses in the surgical ICU were fabulous–most of them were Filipina, which was nice for us: my aunt and my dad both worked the Filipino connection with them.
Hopefully my dad will get to talk with his surgeon tomorrow (he hasn’t seen him since his surgery, which is surprising), and maybe he’ll be moved to a regular bed.
March 8, 2008 at 10:24 am · Filed under Cancer
I’m sorry that it’s taken me so long to actually write the followup post to Margot’s dad’s surgery. Things here have been a bit of a whirlwind and we’ve just been trying to stay afloat.
Thursday Margot’s dad was admitted into surgery at Beth Israel in Manhattan. The hospital has horrible facilities and one room for family members to sit. There aren’t employees that check in with you periodically and it’s easy to get lost in the shuffle.
So during the surgery the family decided to come back home and spend a few hours - worrying.
Then we all decided to make the trek back into the city on the subway to wait for the surgeon and to see how Manny was doing. We waited, and waited, and waited. Finally, the surgeon came out and said that it seemed a bit worse than they had initially thought and that the small and large intestines had to be cut and reconnected in many different places.
He said that he was able to get 99% of the cancer out and he actually had to scrape and burn the cancer off of the pelvic bone. This, of course, caused concern because once the cancer enters the bone then it becomes very dangerous. The surgeon also called the cancer “aggressive and slow growing.”
By that, he said that it was aggressive to other parts of the body and he seemed shocked that it really hadn’t gone into the major organs. He did think that it had been growing for a while.
When we left the hospital Thursday we were all shell shocked because initially they were going to do an ilestomy bag which would be connected at the top of the intestine and collect unprocessed food.
Upon talking to the surgeon we were shocked to hear that the damage was so bad and that the doctor did not want to put the colon back into place - so he decided to put in a colostomy bag. That means that it’s actually going to collect processed food or poop.
After we heard the news and were going home we stepped off of the subway and Margot’s brother received a call on his cell from the chief resident. He said that Manny was still bleeding and they didn’t know where it was coming from. So they wanted to go back into surgery, open him up, and investigate.
So, everyone came back home and then Margot and Dennis went back to the hospital during the surgery. Of course, the waiting room that sucked initially - was locked. So Margot ended up camping out on the floor outside of the recovery room.
After the second surgery the doctor came in and explained that the bleeding was from the staples and that they took them out and replaced them with stitches and it seemed to go well. However, they also added an ilestomy bag too.
At least he was stable and not bleeding.
The whole family (with the exception of Graem and me) went to the hospital and hung out yesterday for the whole day. It seems that Manny is doing well and they even took out the breathing tubes.
It’s going to be a hard recovery and he will still have to go to the doctor’s office often and even undergo chemo but it seems like we just need to take one day at a time.
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