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A Tale of Two Mamas

Trying to keep someone IN timeout

Archive for Baby Project 2

Shame on you, Tyra Banks.

I received numerous emails from chat groups and even the American Fertility Association regarding the Tyra Banks show’s upcoming show about infertile women and their struggle to get pregnant.

In fact, I was almost going to answer with a reply and see if I was eligible to be part of the show because it was about women desperate to become mothers and had tried many different routes including artificial insemination and in vitro fertilization without success.

Little did I know that the whole idea behind the show was:

“Do you know a woman who is obsessed with becoming a mom? Have you seen and heard her struggle for years, felt her unvoiced jealously and seen her desperation first hand? Have you watched silently for too long as she gets her hopes up only to be disappointed and heartbroken when she can’t conceive? Has she tried extreme methods and spent a lot of money to get pregnant with no luck? Do you want to finally tell her she needs to stop the emotional and physical stress on her body and seriously consider adoption or a surrogate alternative? If you know a woman who is obsessed with becoming a mom and getting pregnant, then SUBMIT BELOW.“

Today I received an email from the American Fertility Association apologizing to its members for soliciting for the show and the following:

Trampling on Trust

As many of you know, The AFA makes every effort to assist the media when reports, stories and programs deal with infertility, reproductive difficulties, fertility preservation and protection. We were approached by the Tyra Banks Show senior producer who pitched one segment about women who pursue ART despite repeated let-downs and perhaps impossible odds. We sent a notice to you asking if you’d be interested in participating in that show. What we’ve subsequently learned is that the taping revealed another agenda entirely. We are furious. There is no excuse for that duplicitious solicitation. Below is the open letter we’ve sent to the Tyra Banks senior producer.

Ms. Radecki,

The American Fertility Association is writing in response to the numerous calls, emails and blog links we’ve received about the Tyra Banks Show you’ve produced about “infertility.”

We gladly assisted you in your effort to recruit people who’ve stuck with Assisted Reproduction despite long-shot odds and the painful difficulties associated with compromised fertility for an installment of your show. Your detailed query asked for contact with women who could speak emotionally and articulately about their determination and their struggles (see below). It is your right to interview willing and informed participants as you see fit. Here we underscore informed. Your show is not a news show, but rather planned entertainment. Nowhere in that initial letter or in numerous subsequent conversations did you even hint that what you were intending was a set up for “spontaneous” interventions and the subsequent damaging conflagrations.

Let’s be clear. If you’d honestly put forth your mission, stating that the Tyra Banks Show was interested in emotional confrontations, people willing to defend to family, friends and the world their particular quest for biogenetic children, we’d have put out your solicitation to our membership just the same. We believe in the intelligent decision-making capacities of the people The American Fertility Association serves. However, it now appears you were running a bait-and-switch operation designed to exploit well-meaning and, apparently, the most vulnerable among this group of patients simply to re-create a by-now tired and trite TV rite of public humiliation. That is simply reprehensible.

It is unfortunate that the prism through which The Tyra Banks Show chose to view the delicate and complex subjects of reproductive difficulties and associated medical treatments yielded very little about those topics. Instead, we are told, the focus was on manufactured conflict and hysteria. You could just as well have targeted any other poorly understood condition or disease and produced the same segment.

We regret that we have exposed our membership to such tactics. Despite urging that you treat reproductive difficulties with sensitivity and thoughtfulness — even if that yielded tough grilling and a feisty give-and-take, you chose to tread the same histrionic ground that’s pretty well trampled by now.

The Staff of The American Fertility Association

***

All I can say is shame on you, Tyra. You obviously haven’t been stricken with the 1 out of 6 odds for being infertile or needing reproductive assistance.

I always knew you were a stone cold bitch - but this goes to all new lows. Not even Maury Povich or Jerry Springer could have been as insensitive or desperate for ratings.

Less than two hours ago..

I saw my baby’s heart beat on the ultrasound and now…he or she is dead.

I guess I got too used to the idea that this might actually be the real thing.

This late morning I started bleeding bright red with a few clots.   I had a few small cramps but nothing big.    We went to the doctor’s office and they did an u/s at 12:45pm.    There was no cause for the bleeding and the sac was right where it should be and the baby’s heart was beating away and connected really good.    Progesterone came back at 33.

When we got home from the RE’s I went to the bathroom and passed a huge clot which we’re guessing is the baby.

Have an appt for tomorrow to do an u/s and possible D&C.   The nurse has no idea what happened and she’s truly puzzled.   My numbers were good, the baby’s heartbeat was perfect, and there wasn’t a tear.

I don’t understand why we can’t get a break after 9 IUIs, 5 IVFs, and 2 prior miscarriages…

We made it one day further than last time.

 

Grieving?

I’ve been fortunate in my life to not really lose anyone close to me.    When Margot’s mother passed away in April I was sad for Margot and Graem.    I was sad because Margot never got to know her mother and sad for Graem that she never got to meet her grandmother.

Everyone has their own different way to grieve a loved one.   I know when I had the miscarriage back in December I was so torn emotionally and it was hard to get over the loss of my child.   Even though he/she was only a small fetus with not even a heart beat…   it still hurt.    Plus, it wasn’t something that I easily “got over”.

There are still days when I think about how my due date is in 22 days.   I think about how any day now I should be getting ready to go into labor.   

It’s been somewhat hard seeing our friend’s child.   I see Margot with the baby and wish that I could give her a child to hold.

Many people who have lost a loved one are choosing to grieve through Registry of Life.    Registry of Life is a website that provides a place for your loved one.   You can put pictures up, music, and memories.    It’s a nice memorium because you can go there when you want to be with your loved one or would like to be reminded of the good times you had together.

Right now the website is offering a two week trial period so that you can try it out and see if it’s something you would like to maintain.  

Registry of Life also offers special links that will help you through the grieving process too.

Speechless.

I’m not one for liking a lot of sappy songs so I was shocked and speechless when  I hear this song by Kellie Coffey - “I would die for that”.

Take a look for yourself:

Another day. *sigh*

Today seemed to be much better than yesterday.   Thank God Margot took me out for dinner and I had two wonderful beers at the new Ale House.

I think I’m over the fact that I’ve been shafted by my insurance company, my body sucks, and overall my luck is horrible.

I’m ready to think positive and move forward.   At this point I feel like I need to rid my body and mind of all negative feelings and hatred that I’ve felt and focus on treating my body good, losing a little weight, and trying to conceive a child.

Today I met up with a friend who is also dealing with fertility.   She’s the nicest person and it was nice to talk about all of this with someone who understands without having a sympathy party.

I’m glad that we have a “next step” in place and that we’re ready to move forward.   I’m also thankful that I have friends that I can talk to about this.

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