Okay, we’re not eating too good here. I think I’m up a good five pounds and that’s on top of some leftover baby weight!
We’ve been talking about getting a gym membership when we get back in town but I might want to look into Leptovox too!
Maybe a better idea is to wait until AFTER the holidays and try to diet effective January 1st!
Shawna and Emmy are asleep, Graem is frying her brain on SpongeBob, Dennis is on his computer. I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m in legal limbo, since we can’t get our hands on my dad’s death certificates, plus it’s a holiday anyway.
We already went out for a little walk and grocery shopping. It was nice to get out, it’s getting a little stifling in here. I feel like I haven’t accomplished enough, but every time I try to start organizing something, I can’t really move forward or finish. I can’t really nap, I’ve eaten as much as I can.
So here I am. Every now and then thoughts of my dad pop into my head. I dreamt about him last night, I saw him in his scrubs, smiling and happy, and healthy. I told him I loved him, and that was about it. I feel like he’s here at times, since I’ve been here a number of times when he’s been in the hospital–it’s like he’s just there, but he’s here. So often he’d be resting upstairs, and the rest of us would just be hanging out talking and eating. Waiting for the fleeting moments when he’d have enough energy to hang out with us. Or we would just head to his bedroom to chat.
I can’t believe he’s gone, it’s like a dream. Being around his stuff is like being around him. Trying to organize it, you can start to categorize his life, imagining how he saw himself as a reflection of his belongings. This overabundance of expensive shoes, cameras, tools, art supplies. Seeing his cameras in particular has been emotional. I remember being around my dad and his cameras ever since I was a baby. I’d “play cameras” with him–he just loved to tinker with them all, and he’d let me hold them and play with them along with him.
That’s the thing about all his collections of stuff, none of it is precious or archival. He loved to hold them use them, actually interact with his things. No white gloves for my dad, a collection is of no use if you can’t touch it. That being said, it’s not like he ever really used his tools. He had piles of toolboxes, each of them labeled: “wrenches,” “hot glue,” “rachets,” “solder,” “rivets,” and “special tools.” But then he’d taken them all out, as if to play, and he displayed them all in his garage, in order, to show that he’d collected every one there was out there. Gala would tell us about how he’d sit there, and just look at them, admire them.
I guess if I were at home, I’d be cooking or something. But I really don’t care right now, can’t think of it. I’m not sure what else to do.
I’m sorry that I left everyone hanging from my last email. Things have been very hectic and sad.
Margot’s dad passed away Sunday afternoon when they stopped life support. Of course the whole family is very distraught and we all miss him terribly.
I came up with the kids Monday afternoon and Margot’s been handling the financial stuff and I’ve been working on getting rid of stuff and selling stuff.
The funeral is Tuesday @ 10am at St. Marks Church in Brooklyn.
Thanks to everyone for your kind words and thoughts.
Margot’s dad’s house in Brooklyn is going to go on the market anyday now and I’m shocked that there’s no for sale sign outside. Maybe it’s the fact that they’re asking around two million for the house…
If it were me and I needed to sale in this crappy economy I’d make sure to have digital signage outside!
You just never know when the next millionaire might be driving around your dead end road looking to pick up a new house.
So much has happened over the past 24 hours.
Yesterday Margot’s brother arrived at around 5pm. We all packed into the minivan and went for our favorite - Indian food.
Afterwards we came home, washed the kids, put them to bed and the adults hung out and played Wii Rockband. We had an excellent time. By 10pm we were all exhausted and scattered to our respective sleep areas. I slept on the couch because Emmy was in the playpen and I didn’t want to leave her by herself, Dennis went to the spare bedroom, and Margot went upstairs to sleep with Graem in our bed.
At 1:30am I heard Dennis upstairs talking on the phone and when I got up they shared the news that their dad was found on the bathroom floor unresponsive.
Margot’s dad’s girlfriend called EMT and they said “it doesn’t look good” and that Manny was only having 6 respirations per minute. They asked for a DNR (Do no resisitate) order. Of course, noone knows if there is one.
After about an hour we call the hospital to get an update and basically find out that Margot’s dad has been intubated and is in critical condition. No other news is available.
So of course, we’re all just sitting in the bed upstairs surrounded by sleeping children and crying. Margot’s dad has had stage 4 colon cancer for around 2 years now. He’s had surgery to remove the cancer, survived it, and is now undergoing chemo after having it reoccur.
I’m saddest for Margot and Dennis because they’re in their early thirties and that just seems way too young to lose both of your parents. It makes me sad that Grammy and Emmy are so young. However, I’m glad that they at least were able to meet him.
It also makes me sad that after all of the tough years that Manny has gone through with drug addiction and depression and dealing with Margot’s mother — he finally was leading a somewhat healthy life and then was hit with cancer.
Margot and Dennis left this morning to head to New York City. We decided that it’d be best if I stayed home with the kids because they really don’t need to be in a hospital and because Margot and Dennis need to make some serious decisions and it’s going to be stressful enough without a crazy almost-4-year-old and a naughty baby.
When Margot and Den got to the hospital they found their father blue and he looked absolutely horrible. He was hooked up to machines and I don’t think they expected to see him look like that.
They have had various doctors come in and they all concur that the situation is grim. However, they are giving Manny antibiotics, blood transfusions, and keeping him intubated for the time being. At this point they’re buying time for family to make it from out of town.
In the same token, his body could completely fail and there’s not machine that could keep him alive. To some extent…that might be the best case scenario because not one person would have to make the decision to “pull the plug.”
I hope and pray that both Margot and Dennis find peace. I can’t imagine losing a parent and know it’s one of the hardest situations they will ever have to face. I’m sad that they’ve had to do it twice.
We’ve told Graem that Grandpa’s sick and she understands. We also explained to her that grandpa is dying and we think she understands that too. One thing that we’re going to try and be aware of is having conversations in front of her. For a few minutes today she had to confirm that it was Grandpa that was dying and not mommy.
Then she said with tears in her eyes “I miss grandpa and mommy.”
We miss grandpa too.
The ongoing antics of two thirty-something *gasp* mamas raising our three-year-old daughter and adding another baby girl to the mix.