A Tale of Two Mamas
Trying to keep someone IN timeout
Archive for February, 2008
February 23, 2008 at 6:45 am · Filed under Cancer, Life and Death
I cry all the time now–I cry at work, I cry when I get home, I cry when I wake up and can’t sleep any more. I don’t want my dad to die, I don’t want to bury 2 parents in less than a year. Then I start thinking about my mom, and I start missing her–the idea of her, I guess. I google her, and I find articles she’s written, people she used to work with. I google those people–I vaguely remember meeting some of them in her lab. I remember spending Saturdays at the lab with Dennis, our only entertainment the stinky mice they studied and beakers.
I toy with the idea of emailing those people. I want to know who she was…but then I wonder if I should just let it lie, and let the dead stay dead. Would they even remember her? How could they not…to spend years of research together, and then have a partner (in so many ways…) just vanish. Did they call? Did they wonder? I was too young to wonder or notice.
And then last night I thought of where I want to spread my mom’s ashes: Wave Hill, along the Hudson River waterfront where we grew up. My mom used to take us there–one of the few remaining memories I have. Respite for her on a weekend, rolling down hills and playing around the koi pond for Dennis and me. I also thought it would be an interesting counterpoint to what I do for a living–it would be interesting to revisit it now as an adult and a landscape architect. Different eyes. I wonder if that huge beech tree is still there, if the gardens are still the same. I just remembered how in high school a friend and I made pesto at home for lunch, and then drove over there to have a picnic.
My dad, my poor dad. It’s not fair, he just finally kicked all the drugs, and we’re just starting to rebuild our relationship. More around Graem now. I watch him interact with her, and it reminds me of how he was when Dennis and I were kids. He was a great dad, once. He was the one we always wanted to play with and spend time with, not my mom. He was just more fun.
I can’t remember when he became so frail, it was a few years ago. I guess it must have happened when I moved out of the house for college, and came to visit less and less. All my memories of my dad are of a strong, arrogant, garrulous person with a sometimes fiery temper. When Dennis and I were about 2 and 5, he could lift the two of us, one in each hand, arms outstretched. The push-ups, the chin-ups, the martial arts that he would show off to us and encourage us to do…and now he spends most of his time in his massage chair, or in bed. I suppose the loss and pain in his life, the drugs, the cancer–all have diluted him to what he is now. I just missed when it happened.
I hope–pray–that he kicks this. I feel like we’re so close, he has struggled through so much with the chemo and radiation, suffered so much nearly alone. He just has to make it to this surgery–then all will have been done, all that could have been done. The rest is up to the universe.
February 22, 2008 at 3:40 pm · Filed under PDB - PetriDish Baby, Things I really shouldn't talk about
These days sleep is pretty hard to come by. We try to all get in bed by 10pm and half of the time I fall asleep before then on the couch or while watching television in bed.
My strategy has been to spend every other night upstairs and on the couch. However, it’s turned into me doing first shift upstairs, then after my first bathroom break (midnight) I typically make my way downstairs and move to my couchbed for the rest of the night.
Couchbed is nice because I have it set up with pillows all around and it dips a little so that I can put my belly pillow down and lie on my left side. Not to mention, it’s just steps from the bathroom.
The only thing that’s bad about couchbed is that … it’s our couch. I’ve been using it like crazy and it’s become quite flat in it’s old age and with the wear of my fat ass! I am guessing over the next year it will need to be replaced just so that we can have something comfortable to sit on without feeling the flat wood bars on our backsides.
February 22, 2008 at 3:13 pm · Filed under PP, Travel
Not only is the weather outside hideous and we’re buried in a few inches of snow but lately things have been pretty hectic. This time last year we were preparing to go to Cancun, Mexico for our family vacation and this year we’re washing baby clothes in preparation for little Emerson!
We were discussing the other day how we love the fact that we’ve already taken Graem to two countries and she’s only three years old. We hope that we can keep the traveling up and do the same when the new baby gets here.
One way would be to look at real estate in another country and purchase a nice getaway home! I’ve always wanted to go to Italy and I’ve heard that the real estate there is a real goldmine if you get the right parcel.
The best place to check out Mediterranean property is to go to MedHead.com. The website is easy to use and the best thing about it is — it’s translated in seven different languages! That’s absolutely unheard of these days and they are really above the curve on that one!
Check out this screen shot from the easy-to-use website:
This post sponsored by: MedHead.com
February 22, 2008 at 8:35 am · Filed under Cancer
The past few days have really been a roller coaster ride. Margot’s father has not been doing well and the fight with cancer has really taken its toll on his system both physically and mentally.
Sunday night we got the call that he was bleeding and his blood pressure kept falling pretty low. All night Margot and Dennis were on the phone with doctors and family trying to figure out what to do. Finally, her brother ended up taking their dad into the hospital ER for evaluation and he ended up being admitted for a few days. During that stay he received a blood transfusion and was discharged Tuesday.
Wednesday night he had the same symptoms and although not as severe, equally scary. Margot spoke with the doctor who said that her dad could wait til morning for an appointment. So he ended up going in Thursday morning to see the doctor and get blood levels. They showed that he needed yet another blood transfusion which is planned for today.
Last night at 4am Margot’s brother got a call from a very scared father who was lonely and really needed to have someone around. I think his fear at this point is that he will die and not be surrounded by people he loves and cares for.
At this point we’re trying to figure out a game plan for the upcoming days and weeks. Margot’s brother is taking today off and planning on taking their dad in for the blood transfusion and possibly talking to the doctor about moving the surgery scheduled for March 6th to an earlier date so that he will stop being in so much pain. Basically, the surgery involves taking part of the colon out (the part that’s causing the bleeding) and then reattaching the colon together. However, for the recovery time her father would need an ileostomy which would need to be changed and cared for so that the area can heal.
Right now the plan is for Margot to head to New York tonight or tomorrow. We are looking into her either taking the luxury bus up to the city that offers wi-fi and drops her off in Manhattan. The other option is for us to all go and for Margot and Graem to leave Sunday and me to stay a few extra days and take care of their dad.
Margot’s stressed about work because there’s so much going on and it’d be equally hard to pass on the information to other people at the firm. Plus, she’d much rather use time to take care of her dad pre- and post-surgery when she’s really needed. Plus, Graem has daycare Monday and Tuesday and since I don’t work…it just makes sense that I take over a little bit.
Margot’s brother has been amazing through all of this and I know it’s been emotionally and physically draining for him. Not to mention, he has a job and has had to call in to go to appointments and take care of their dad.
If you’re a prayer or a meditator….please send Margot’s family a positive thought or prayer for the upcoming days and weeks. I can’t imagine it’s going to get much easier any time soon.
February 20, 2008 at 12:17 pm · Filed under PDB - PetriDish Baby
That’s what I’m attributing my big ole’ belly to! This week I have run into a few friends that haven’t seen me for weeks and even months and they’ve commented on how “big” I’ve gotten.
I guess I should be thankful that noone has asked yet if I’m carrying twins or triplets?
The pregnancy is going great and aside from a little trip Saturday to Labor and Delivery (I was having round ligament pain) everything is smooth sailing.
Emerson is one active little girl and constantly on the go. In fact, if there are a few hours that go by where she doesn’t give me a good ole kick in the bladder or ribs then I start to get worried. Of course, I love it when Margot puts her face up to my belly and Emmy kicks her right in the head. HA!
The past weekend we were very busy cleaning the house, washing baby clothes, and trying to get things together. This week I was able to clean out one of the cars and I plan on getting the carseat bases installed next week by the local fire department.
Although, I’ve had a surge of energy I don’t think it’s going to be long lived. I’m starting to get tired pretty easily and with the extra twenty or so pounds that I’m lugging around all in my belly my back and stomach continue to cramp and pull.
I can’t believe that in eleven to fifteen short weeks we get to meet little Emmy! WOW!!
Here are some belly shots and yes, we are sure there is only one baby in there!!
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