The past few days have really been really weird. I don’t know if it’s the hormones or just the memories. I have never been much of a crier or one to share too much on the emotional side. But yesterday I burst into tears after my run-in with the wench at Target.

Today, I started crying after reading some blogs of women that are still trying to get pregnant or become mothers. I think it’s still so fresh. Especially, when tomorrow will be the same day that I had a miscarriage last year. Even though I’m so thrilled to be pregnant…I’m still sad for the baby that never was.

I still remember and have the desperation to have a positive pregnancy test, see a baby on the ultrasound, and in the end have a healthy baby in my arms.

I can’t tell you how many negatives I have had over the years and felt so shitty and to the point of not knowing where to go next or what procedure to do next. Not to mention, there was always the financial burden of spending another $5,000 - $10,000 with each attempt and knowing that at some point I’d really have to give up and call it quits.

Of course, each attempt would gain me a new spark and a bit of hope that in fact it *could* be “the one.” Only, to be disappointed when it ended up another negative or miscarriage. The hardest part was the excitement and hope - and then the letdown.

I remember thinking that I just wanted to feel a baby kick in my belly once or to know that I have a live being bouncing around in there.

Now of course, I’m experiencing that and there’s no way I can even describe how amazing and blessed I feel.