Last night, not knowing what to do for dinner, we all decided to go for Indian food. I was a bit wary, as Shawna has been puking up anything non-white-bread for the last few weeks. Graem was on her best behavior and was starving–she ate a TON. While she was eating, she kept saying her lip hurt–I just assumed she either bit it or had chapped lips, so I kind of blew her off and told her to drink water and wipe it with a napkin.

Early this morning, she sat up and said, “Mommy, the bed is wet.” Shawna and I were both in disbelief–she already had one accident in the bed this week, and was so ashamed and sad we were sure it wouldn’t happen again. Thankfully, it was just a little pee, and our several layers of protection actually protected us. I took Graem downstairs to wash up and change, and again, she said her lip hurt. There in the bathroom light, in the wee hours of the morning, and despite my lack of glasses, I saw it: her first cold sore. I was totally crushed.

We have a three-year-old with herpes of the lip. I blame myself and Shawna (for there’s no other way) for giving it to her. Whether we kissed her at the wrong time, or because we weren’t as adamant about forbidding the sharing of toothbrushes and Carmex, I feel so absolutely responsible.

I’m pissed, because I never had cold sores until I met Shawna. And I’m pissed because she got them from her mom (or at least, that’s how the story goes). The only thing I’m thankful for is that Graem didn’t get the outbreak that I did from her first exposure: my face was covered with them–I had them in my eyes and my nose!

And now what do I do: warn a three-year-old that those fun, playful kisses with boys at daycare are forbidden when she has an active sore? And that she can’t scratch or touch the blister until it goes away? I shouldn’t be having this conversation with a three-year-old. Do I have to warn daycare that she has a cold sore?

I suppose I’m equally upset that perhaps the doctor was right in diagnosing her 6-week long cold as viral. I’m always confounded that of all the kids in daycare who are told have bacterial infections, my kid is the one that’s viral.

When will we figure out how to kill viruses? I keep thinking about alien DNA replicating in my kid’s body.