Ready to move on…

December 30, 2006 at 4:11 pm · Filed under Baby Project 2

So, I think I’ve finally gotten to the point where I’m tired of being sad and I’m just ready to move on with my life.   That’s not to say I still don’t have sad moments.   But I just don’t feel like I can do it anymore.

Last night Margot and me laid in bed and talked.   It was good to get everything out in the open and to also talk about “the next step.”

Our fertility center called this morning to see how I was doing.   It was so nice that they took the time out to call and I have an appointment scheduled this Thursday where I think they’ll do an ultrasound and probably bloodwork.

I think once I get my period (probably 6-8 weeks) I might be able to start another cycle.   I feel like I’m quite detached from the whole situation and maybe I’m just going through the motions…but I also feeled a renewed sense of hope.  

I mean…the good thing is I did get pregnant.   It just wasn’t with a good egg.   Hopefully, next time I’ll have a good egg or two out of the bunch and it might work.

I guess I’ve just got to keep the faith — it’ll happen someday.

Comments

Kids and computer usage…

December 29, 2006 at 10:31 pm · Filed under Actual posts about being moms, PP

I might have mentioned this in earlier posts - but, Graem is absolutely never allowed to use the computer.   Okay, so maybe a few exceptions which include:  family photos and The Backyardigans website.

Many kids these days are doing myspace.com and getting themselves into a lot of trouble.   Also, it’s become such an unsafe arena where child molesters and other bad people are preying on young kids.  

There is now software out that will allow you to monitor your kids’ computer usage and see everything that a parent should be aware of including myspace login information.

Spector Pro actually records usernames and passwords along with other helpful information so that you can fully be aware of what your children are posting on the web.

It’s up to the parents to be active in your kids life — get involved, ask questions, and most importantly be protective.   It’s a mean world out there and unfortunately if you don’t protect your kids there’s noone else that will.

This post sponsored by:  http://www.spectorsoft.com/products/SpectorPro_Windows/index.html

Comments

Thank you.

December 29, 2006 at 10:25 pm · Filed under Baby Project 2

Thank you so much to everyone that has commented, called, and come over during the past few days.   Your kind words, hugs, emails, and phone messages have been so touching and made an unbearable experience a little more tolerable.

We will get through this and just like the whole infertility process from years before…I’m sure we’ll be better people and parents in the end.

Comments (1)

Oh a vacation!

December 29, 2006 at 5:39 pm · Filed under PP

I really need a vacation now.    A few years ago we went on a vacation to Orlando, Florida with Margot’s Uncle and Aunt.   We had a great time too.   We stayed at a hotel/resort type place and went to Universal Studios and Disney.

Of course, now that we have a kid - I think it would be so much more fun!   We’d get to go no “It’s a Small World” Ride and we wouldn’t look like weirdos!

It would really make sense to stay with Kissimmee hotels.   The good thing about Orlando is that there’s so much to do there and I’ve heard even in the time that we’ve been there they’ve had tons of changes and upgrades.

I’m thinking when Graem gets older we’ll make a nice “family vacation” of it.

Comments

Potentiality

December 29, 2006 at 4:39 pm · Filed under Baby Project 2

Something I keep thinking about is how thankful that this m/c didn’t happen later on in the pregnancy–and that it was before we saw a heartbeat. I think it makes it a little easier on me.

But there’s another part of me that thinks of the need and want that created this pregnancy–that it gave it a life and a soul so much more than science can explain. The little ceremony we did helped me find closure–I really felt the need to put away the remains that were sitting on our counter, to “tidy up” in some spiritual and philosophical way. It was good to be able to share our grief with Dennis and Bud and Lydia. Grammy was in the swing, laughing as we cried.
I keep debating with myself how much to ritualize the whole process–how much will help, and then how much is too much. It’s especially hard that it happened on Graem’s birthday–but I don’t think trying to forget is the appropriate thing to do, at least not now. Like I wonder if it would be appropriate to light a candle on Grammy’s birthday, just as a remembrance.

I’ve been so glad to have Grammy around, she helps bring us back to reality–and in a way forces us to live our lives in spite of our grief. It was heartbreaking after the ceremony–when we all came back inside, Graem totally lost it and was inconsolable. It was as if she had absorbed all our collective grief, and didn’t know what to do with it or how to deal with it. She asked for a ba-ba, but then didn’t really want it; she asked to go night-night but then cried when I took her upstairs; she asked for Uncle Den Den and Mama, but then cried when I came back down to be near them. I could tell she wanted to be near everyone, but was overwhelmed by the emotion and the feeling in the air. I wanted to reinforce and explain to her that what she was feeling was sadness, and that it was okay. It took a good amount of time and a few potato chips and dip to get her calmed down. I think she’s back to her chipper, ABC-singing, anti-napping self for the time being, but I do want to keep an eye on her and make sure that the sadness doesn’t overwhelm.

Comments