I just can’t stop crying. At first I felt like I had to hold it together as much as I could for Shawna, to at least make sure she was safe and that we were doing everything we could do–which unfortunately was nothing. I prayed silently to myself at the first signs of blood that maybe it was just a little more bloody show, and that everything would be okay. But then it became clear that it was worse–the worst thing that could happen. All I could do was cry and say No, no, no!

The next three hours were an eternity–waiting for when the doctor’s office would confirm the inevitable.  All the while I’ve been clutching the container of what was our baby–not knowing what to do with it–as if keeping it warm and close by would help.  I think we’ll bury it under our magnolia tree.