I lie in bed most mornings and worry about something. This morning I started thinking about death and taxes, which made me angry at all the inequalities that my family has to face because we’re a gay family. Dress me up in khakis and call me a Republican, but most of my issues are financial ones–I see it as a form of taxation without representation, and the creation (or perpetuation) of second class citizenry.

First off, Shawna and I have come to the conclusion that Shawna’s staying home to raise Graem, as well as our future second child, is the best thing we could provide our family. Isn’t that a “family value”? Then it’s ironic that I can’t easily obtain health insurance for Shawna because she isn’t “family.” And, you all should know, it isn’t due to discriminatory practices on the part of my employer–they would prefer to be able to provide access to it. However, it is the discriminatory practice of our insurance provider, Excellus Blue Cross-Blue Shield of Central New York, to disallow coverage of same-sex partners for businesses under 50 employees.

In the same vein, I’m realizing that since I’m the sole income-generator at this point, the most prudent thing I can do to protect my family is to increase my life insurance coverage. However, I’m guessing that since Shawna is my primary beneficiary, and she is not my legal spouse, she would be taxed out the wazoo for receiving any benefits. I’m sure that there’s a way around this, like setting up a trust for Graem and having Shawna be the executor, but why all the hoops? The last thing I would want to do is die and finance another Republican government.

The same goes for Social Security benefits. I imagine that by the time I die, the benefits will only be $2 anyway, but if I understand correctly, only Graem can receive benefits because she is a blood relative. If Shawna were my legal spouse, I believe that both she and my children would receive equal benefits–and $2 is still $2.

It is extremely frustrating that we aren’t recognized as a family in the eyes of either the state or the federal government, but when calculating any income-based services, my income is included as a member of the household.

Frankly, I have no need to walk down an aisle, pick out bridesmaids’ dresses, or order invitations. I can do that anyway, and it all would seem like a big joke, because none of the important protections (i.e., financial and legal ones) would transpire.

I’m not even going to talk about the healthcare/end of life issues, because those are easily solved with a file cabinet of paperwork and a wad of cash paid to your local gay-friendly attorney.

It’s funny to talk about this with straight friends and family, because most of them ask me, “Oh, I thought you guys could already get married.” I guess when you are in the majority and your rights are protected, it’s easy to forget about the underrepresented. I think it is also a fault of the gay community’s outreach, in that there would be many straight allies out there, they just have no idea. Now if we could only get the majority in this country to think beyond the Republican agenda of “moral values.”

Lastly, gay families already exist, and they always will. Hopefully, there will be more and more of us, so we can become a louder and more unified voice and the bigots that write the laws will have to listen.